Crunchy Peas

what I will remember

Sometimes it's good to catalog things-- to tuck them carefully away in your mind. I know that I won't always be a birth assistant, I don't think I could hang at 85 years old. Because the privilege is here now, I want to remember this special thing that I am a part of.

I will remember the sound of my quiet phone ringing in the middle of the night, and always being thankful that it was because someone needed me for a happy reason.

I will remember showing up to work at ungodly hours like 2:10am with no make-up and crazy hair that I had slept on while it was still wet.

I will remember how no one cared. (see above)

I will remember the way that a women's body looks all round and full with baby.

I will remember the comforting little "choo, choo" sounds of those small but strong heartbeats.

I will remember offering hot towels, and cold washcloths, and back rubs, and hand holding, and reassuring smiles.

I will remember sleeping (or not sleeping) in shifts. For hours.

I will remember being shown the delicate balance between standing back and giving space, time, and respect to the process... and stepping in with guidance, encouragement, and help.

I will remember how loudly my stomach growls at 4:30 am.

I will remember how I found myself invested in these growing families and invited in to one of the most intimate moments of their lives.

I will remember the tools of my trade being simple and fitting easily into a large duffle bag. 

I will remember the knowledge, the experience, the gentleness, and the sacrifice given by the midwives that I worked for. Marvelous women.

I will remember the scrubbing, the washing, the sanitizing, the mopping, the changing and making ready again.

I will remember the salty sweet smell of "new baby" and how I would often come home with it on my shirt.

I will remember some the best naps in my life were taken afterwards (and documented by 11 year olds who sneak into your room).

I will remember that mostly...I just stood back, tears in my eyes, in total awe.

I will remember. 

The new friday night tradition:

 

Roasting marshmallows.

Some of us like them raw,

others prefer them charred.

I want mine lightly toasted.

But really, there are no rules to how you make them.

And no rules for how you eat them. 

Just be prepared to get a little sticky.

Come on over, pull up a chair (or share one with me)...

and let's sit close.

the creek

When I was growing up we lived in the forrest. There was a lovely little creek hidden beneath a canopy of evergreen and maple trees on our property. (See it here.)  I remember it being a special sanctuary for me. In the summer months, my brother would take his fishing pole, and I would take a book. Our dog would follow us down the mossy embankment along the path to the water. For hours, I would sit half immersed in the shallow water on the smooth rocks, reading. My brother would fish upstream, and the dog would splash back and forth between us both. Such calm.

I cannot remember the last day that I just idled away.

Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via Libby on Pinterest

 

It's been a very long week. A whirlwind of single parenting, teaching (I finished my last childbirth class for the summer), traveling (quick trip over the mountains and back), and- well- just managing busy days and a house with four kiddos. By myself. 

I'm tired and frazzled and I just wish I could go sit in the creek (maybe even without my bathing suit).

Hoping that there are some lazy days right around the corner...

Oh you know...

I'm just doing my best: 

To keep everyone fed,

to keep our lungs full of fresh air,

to keep the garden alive (and to keep the birds out of my lettuce),

and then to clean everything up (including the little boy). 

Tomorrow we're going to do it all again with Grandma and Grandpa. Thank heaven for reinforcements!

eventful

This weekend we managed to squeeze in:

The race. The girls had so much fun. We won first place for best outfits. Thrilling because they didn't place in their division (tough competition) and because I was their stylist. Ahem, it also pays to have an in-house graphic designer, thanks Carl for help on the shirts. I'll take credit for the pink lipstick that I loaned them.

A movie. Emma finished The Hunger Games series last week. She flew through the books, reading all three of them in two weeks. I took her to see the film and was halfway tempted to slip into the screen next door and watch this instead. But I was glad that she thought me cool enough to sit next to her and so I stayed (she might think differently next time because one of my junior mints dropped on my skirt and melted into an embarrassing chocolate mess- NERdy). Wow, I can see why she was glued to the books. Good show. 

Piano recital. A very nice ending to this year's lessons. They've worked hard and I am always so proud and impressed with their poise. You can be sure I had butterflies for them. 

The first swim of the season. Three cheers for Carl who yanked off the cover of our pool, repaired the filter, gave it a vacuum, and shocked it all in one afternoon.  Crazy girls were too excited to wait, brrrr. As for me, I'll need a few more 90 degree days before it's warm enough to swim. 

Ian and Laurel were first class cheerleaders all weekend long. Thanks babies.

Whew! Busy days.

Next up: Carl is traveling. I am on my own to navigate another week chalk full of parenting, schooling, cooking, cleaning, shuttling. (repeat, repeat, repeat)... 

Deep breath. Ready or not here we go. Just keep smiling.

misc

We've had a couple of nice quiet days. Some days are beach days and some are just more home-based and low key.  You know the kind: catching up on laundry/snacks and schoolwork on the patio/play dough at the table/ handwashing dishes that have been piling up because we are spending all of our time outside- those kind of days. They're good too. It's nice to change up the pace.

Things are wrapping up for the school year. We are in the midst of all kinds of "end of the school year" type events: recitals, picnics, award ceremonies, etc. I made these sugar cookie bars to take to one of them last night. Ugh, yes that was me who took that bite...and several after that. Crap. I love baking, but I need to someone to snatch it out of the oven and run off with it so that I don't eat it! (At least let me take a picture of it first?) They were good.

I also made this salad. I'm a sucker for Top Ramen. It was my go-to after school snack for like 6 years when I was younger. Eating it with cabbage somehow made it seem  more like a grown-up meal and healthy? Probably not, but tasty!

The lilacs and other flowering shrubs are blooming. I've been bringing them inside everyday by the armful. Fragrant and lovely. I hope my kids remember that their mom was always feathering the nest. 

Carl's cousin took some really great candid pictures of us on Mother's Day. I'd like to do this with them. Cute right? Putting it on my to do list.

The girls are competing in a race this weekend, it's always a good time. I wrote them a little pep talk on the chalkboard. How are you messing up your kids today?

A couple of you asked about the bathing suit I was wearing the other day. It's this one, and it's on sale! You should definitely buy it. It's very forgiving. I would know.

I also think I forgot to mention that I've relocated. I'm living here now- but just for the summer. Feel free to deliver french toast, and coffee every morning. I'm not sure that I have electricity... just a slight inconvenience with a view like that.

Okay, leaving you with these words:

"Inner beauty, too, needs occasionally to be told it is beautiful."

-Robert Brault

Go tell someone.

No apologies

I've been thinking about the things that I often have to say sorry for. I'm guilty of several of things already this week. Repeat offenders like:

staying up too late

not doing the dishes the night before

eating too much

losing my patience

speaking harshly

being too afraid

being judgemental

not applying sunscreen to the tops of my feet

not listening- really listening

becoming too attached to ideas or people 

giving up too easily

speeding 

planting cucumbers the day before a wind storm (I lost them all)

planting tomatoes the day before a wind storm (I lost 1 of 4)

hanging on to relationships with people who are "takers"

being late

talking more than listening

not having better boundaries

giving away too much of myself

forgetting hand sanitizer

saying "It's okay" when it's not

saying "I understand" when I don't

not brushing and flossing twice a day

cutting my hair above my shoulders

being ungrateful

being discontent

not charging my camera battery

But there's another list too. Some things I'm never sorry for- or at least I try not to be. No regrets when I:

pray

get up early

laugh with my kids

exercise

smile at someone

offer a compliment

drink water

tell the truth

wear deodorant

call my Grandma

save money

use my imagination

take the extra time to make good coffee

take the stairs

say thank you

give gifts

forgive

kiss

hold tight

act like a fool

love without conditions

get up in the middle of the night for a birth

wear my seat belt

buy fresh flowers

take pictures

talk openly

finish projects

lick the beaters when making cookies

clean out a closet

wear cute underwear

buy nice sheets

have friends for dinner

love with an open hand

What about you? What are the things that you're not sorry for?

Beach Day

With a forecasted high of 90 degrees, I don't care if it's mid-May or mid-January. We're going to the beach! I had a cooperative little crew this morning and we got some exercise, breakfast, chores, schoolwork, a lunch packed, and the car loaded before 9am! I even burned a new cd for our 45 min drive. Lots of loud singing along the way.

The lake gets drained in the winter to accommodate all the melting snow that trickles down in the Spring. You can see that I swam around those pilings during the summer...the water was very low today. Funny, it sure felt like freshly melted snow :) Brrr.

It was okay, we decided to work on our tans instead. (Obviously my legs have some catching up to do!) Oh who am I kidding? I'm not a tanner. Apparently some people are. I am not one of them. Just burn and peel, burn and peel. Too bad.

Besides, who could be bored with buckets, and shovels, and tons and tons of sand?

Oh yes and ducks. Ian is really more like a puppy than he is like a little boy. He was chasing those poor little guys everywhere.

Mmmm, feels good to have sand between your toes.

Yep, just another hard day at the office.

The first beach day of the season. I'm a happy girl. 

verbs in the present tense

Thanking:  I had a very nice Mother's Day-- hopefully you did too. I snuck out early for a bike ride (which didn't work well for the whole "breakfast in bed" idea that the girls had cooking up). You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to beat this mama outta bed. We did recover, however, and the day turned out to be lovely. 

Missing: Of course Mother's Day is always a little bittersweet for me. Obviously, I miss of my own mom. I saw this quote the other day and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I think it might be true. It's hard. Missing people is hard. 

Planning: Whoa. The summer is filling up. Summer camp, golf clinics, VBS, swim team, class reunions, a triathlon, tennis lessons-- I think I'd better start eating my Wheaties. It's going to be busy! I finally just printed out blank copies of May-August and wrote it all down. It helped to see the whole summer in front of me at once. It also made me realize that we're going to have to be intentional about enjoying several lazy days in between.

Enjoying: Breakfast on the deck. After getting some early morning exercise it's nice to put my feet up and listen to the birds. Eggs + salsa + grapefruit + coffee + quiet = happy start to the day. 

 

Avoiding: This guy. He has deadly aim with the hose. He will attack you...even if you repeatedly ask him to "Stop! Put it down! Ian, listen to Mommy!" He's vicious-- even in Grandma's back yard!

Exploring: We are spending a lot of time outside. Last week we walked around the island. It's days like those that make it seem impossible to put the girls in a classroom next year. I'm still really on the fence. 

Listening: I'm on a country kick these days. I think I might have a little crush on Luke Bryan.

Get More: I Don't Want This Night to End, Luke Bryan, Luke Bryan Videos

I think that's enough verbs for one day. Be back soon.

These little people are the light of my life. I will never know why I was counted worthy to be their mom, but I'm going to spend every single day loving them the best that I can (even if they come into my bed, one by one, at the crack of dawn).

Happy Mother's Day!!