I had been having contractions for days. All the signs were there, I knew he was coming...but real labor seemed just beyond my reach. Well meaning family and friends were "checking on me" by the minute, wondering "how I was feeling." I was feeling pissed. In my entire prenatal history (doesn't that sound extensive) I had never been overdue. What was taking so long?
Wednesday morning April 28th, I asked Carl to stay home from work. My patience was wearing thin and I just needed him near. So, he made me get up and go for a walk. The girls rode their bikes, Carl carried his coffee and I waddled. Nothing. Maybe one contraction that I had to stop for. I was discouraged and resigned myself to a nap on the couch.
When I woke up I decided a bath might be nice. It was 1:00pm. When I got out I started having a few contractions with a new type of pressure. It worried me somewhat and I called my midwife. She arrived at 2:30pm and found me to be 4cm. This didn't mean much to me because I didn't feel like I was really in labor. The midwife ate some lunch in our dining room- hesitant to go too far from me. I was sort of hoping that she would just leave and that I could call her when I felt like I was in a more active pattern of labor. There is nothing worse than feeling like a "watched pot" while labor progresses slowly. Thankfully, she knew better.
While Carl was fixing her lunch, I had some time to myself in my room. The girls were busy downstairs with my friend Camille (who had been summoned to watch over them during the labor.) There is a drawback to having your 4th baby, to have witnessed several births-- that is, you know what lies ahead of you. I was no stranger to what I was about to walk through, and I had to work myself up to it. There was some serious self-talk happening. "This is real. This is happening today. You can do this. You've done it before. It's only a matter of hours and you'll be holding your baby. You are not going to die. Let's do this thing!!!" I was setting aside the fear. I think every laboring women has to do that at some point. I've learned that doing it early on, is much more pleasant than working through that emotional baggage during active labor or worse yet- transition.
After a few moments in that mental space, it was on. My contractions became much stronger and more regular. Carl swooped into his familiar role as my help. I just don't think that I could do it without him.
I was in and out of the tub (it felt wonderful, but I had to keep getting out to cool off and to pee.) I was experiencing back labor.
Time passed and around 6:30pm I realized that I was angry. Why wasn't this more fun? I talk about labor all the time. I teach people that it is this marvelous, miraculous experience. In that moment it hurt like hell.
I asked the midwife to check me again. I was hoping that she would tell me that I was 9cm with a bulging bag of water that once ruptured, my baby would simply fall out. Wrong. 7cm. Transition was right around the corner. I remember looking at the clock. 6:44pm
Then all at once the pressure set in. I knew I had to push. To the bed. I was almost 10, just an anterior lip that still had to melt away. I blew through 2 contractions, begging to push. My water began to leak, and during the next contraction my midwife used the amnihook to rupture it fully. With that release of pressure I automatically began to push. I forgot how big it felt. The first time you push a baby out, your pushes are timid. It takes a while to figure out how to do it, to figure out that you have to push right through that pain. Not the fourth time. I was going for it. I knew that it would only be a matter of minutes before I saw his sweet face. We called for the girls to come in.
Indeed it was just a few minutes. Four huge pushes later, he was there on my tummy. Like I prayed- he cried immediately. 7:27pm
Carl and I cried in relief, in disbelief of a SON, with sweet sweet joy.
We weighed him and measured him. He wasn't going to steal the size prize (which belongs to Laurel). Just 7lbs 15oz 20 inches long.
Then the after party began.
It continues.
Thank you for letting me share this little journey with you. Thank you for helping us to welcome Ian. Thank you for all of your big big love over the last few days.
ok, I am sobbing as I read this! So cool! I'm so proud of you Libby, you rock! You are an inspiration! So happy for your family. :)
Posted by: heidi | May 03, 2010 at 08:55 AM
What a lovely birth story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm a mum of 4 (2 girls, 2 boys) and you took me back to my experiences. I know exactly what you mean about the timid pushes first time around, but definitely not fourth time around!!!
Posted by: Fruitful Fusion | May 03, 2010 at 08:59 AM
What a nice homebirth story, Really inspiring! I love that the girls where right there with to welcome the little brother. Congratulation to you and your family. Looking forward to meet him
Posted by: Claudia | May 03, 2010 at 12:15 PM
Way to go mama!!!! Congratulations! Wonderful story, I know you are feeling so blessed right now, and you truly are :) I'm so happy for you and your family!
Posted by: Jen | May 03, 2010 at 12:25 PM
blessings.
Posted by: nicole | May 03, 2010 at 12:39 PM
I knew I would be getting a great birth story from you! I'm so proud of you Lib! I bet your mama has the biggest smile across her face right now! Love ya
Posted by: Alicia | May 03, 2010 at 12:50 PM
♥ ♥ ♥
It IS totally different when you know what to expect. Great job, mama!
Posted by: Jaye Jaye | May 03, 2010 at 01:07 PM
this made me cry. Tears of joy really, such a real and lovely story. This is the way it really is and yet the joy that follows is so wonderful! It also gets me excited as I have 10 weeks to go.(with #5) You are an encouragement! Good job!
Posted by: Julia | May 03, 2010 at 01:28 PM
Congrats, Libby!!!! SO happy for you & your little BIG family :D
Posted by: Inga | May 03, 2010 at 05:40 PM
And THANK YOU for sharing this all with us. Blessings to you all! So happy the labor part is over and you get to enjoy and love sweet little Ian.
Posted by: LisaInCT | May 03, 2010 at 07:02 PM
Lovely birth story. Ian, you are one lucky boy to be born into such a sweet family with such a wonderful mother (and just in time for mother's day!). Thanks for sharing it with all of us, Libby.
Posted by: Clara | May 03, 2010 at 11:22 PM
Congrats to the six of you!
Posted by: R/evolution of J | May 04, 2010 at 09:22 AM
This is a beautiful story. I love the pictures. Many blessings and wishes for happiness to you and your family.
Posted by: Carla (from Alabama) | May 04, 2010 at 10:58 AM
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. CONGRATS ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL SON.
Posted by: Jodz | May 05, 2010 at 02:55 AM
Thank you for sharing your story! You really are an amazing woman and inspiration for me personally. And not just because you gave birth naturally! Congratulations on your new little boy.
Posted by: Stacy Hay | May 05, 2010 at 01:56 PM
Libby, I am so happy for you! I am thrilled that your home birth went so well and that you and Ian are happy and healthy. I can't wait to see more photos of little Ian.
Posted by: Brandie | May 05, 2010 at 04:23 PM
Congratulations! All that hard work and you have something so amazing. Enjoy him.
Posted by: AJ | May 05, 2010 at 06:14 PM
such an honest sharing..thank you Libby. You and your family haven't left my prayers in weeks!
enjoy,enjoy, enjoy.
Posted by: mery smith | May 06, 2010 at 10:39 AM
Thank you for sharing your birth story, enjoy the blessings of your newest member to your family.
Posted by: Chelsea | May 06, 2010 at 09:45 PM
Beautiful!
I remember the difference of my three births like it was yesterday, each one so different, the first long and exhausting but so AMAZING and powerful for me. each phase being a new experience I was on cloud nine throughout!
The second short with a peaceful easy beginning, a crazy intense transition phase and a quick 20 min of pushing.
The third long and intense. With lots of wondering what was taking so long, why isn't she coming out yet?! I remember how different that third time was suddenly I was questioning my strength, and having the same feelings as you, wondering "what the heck am I doing"! I too had to work through them.
But the relief that comes after each one was brought to my chest was the same. The same instant love, the same tears of joy, and amazement at what i had just did. The same sense of accomplishment. Birth is truly an incredible thing, to go through and to witness.
Congrats on your sweet little boy!
there are thoughts of adding a number 4 here to our family so birth is on my mind! :)
Posted by: christina | May 07, 2010 at 06:54 PM
What a beautiful birth story! Thanks for sharing :) Congratulations on baby Ian, he is absolutely beautiful! I hope to have a home birth someday, you are very inspirational.
Posted by: Blayne | May 11, 2010 at 05:07 PM