It's my birthday today. I've been tempted to be a little ho-hum about it. I woke up at 4:45am to nurse a baby who didn't go back to sleep, toasted my own frozen waffles, folded a load of laundry, and went without coffee (we're out). The next few hours were spent at swim lessons and tennis lessons, and a wee bit of grocery shopping. No extravagant gifts, no dinner dates, no out of the ordinary. Later on I'll be teaching my birthing class. Mmm-hmm, just another day.
But it is not really. It's not just any other day.
Today is the day that God chose for me to come alive outside of my mother's body. It is the day that my parents held me for the first time. It is when my breaths began, and my eyes first blinked back the brilliant light of day. This is the day that began the cycle of seasons, and months, and moments in my life.
Someone wished me a "Happy Anniversary of You" today. And that made me think.
I think deep on where I've been, who I've become, and what I know to be true about myself. What am I celebrating on this "Anniversary of Me"?
Yes I am a wife. Yes I am a mother. Yes I am a sister, and aunt, and friend- all glorious blessings. But who am I in the absolute core of my being- all other people aside?
It is hard to think about these things. I'm much more comfortable thinking about the innerworkings of other people. Even just devoting an hour to write this post seems somewhat self-indulgent. It's not often that I pour into myself this way.
But God in all of His greatness and grace thinks that I am valuable. At a great cost to himself, He rescued me, and moment-by-moment lavishes love on me. He created me. He gifted me.
And this is who I am:
:: I am a writer. That is hard to say. I am not published. I suck at grammar and spelling and all of that technical stuff. Maybe a "thought sharer" is a better title. Yes, I'm more comfortable with that.
:: I am a creator. (with a little "c"). I have an absolute need to be creative in some fashion every day. It has taken me some time to discover this about myself. Sometimes when I get grumpy I realize that it is because I have not had the opportunity to create anything. Some of my outlets are: cooking, sewing, knitting/crochet, writing, decorating, photography, dance.
:: I am a teacher. (I teach my children, I teach birthing classes, I teach myself. I love non-fiction books!). Teaching is part of me because I love to learn. I never, never want to stop learning.
:: I am an appreciator of beauty. Wild flowers, Anthropologie, a well-baked pie, organized bookshelves, the perfect color lip gloss, homegrown tomatoes, warm wooley yarn, basketfulls of ripe fruit...all lovely things to behold.
:: I am quiet. I love my friends and family. I love to laugh and to have fun. I love to go and do. But...I need the quiet. I need it. The spaces in between are life-giving to me. This is one of my biggest challenges as mom. I need a better balance of this time.
:: I am passionate. There are some things that stir up a rising of sorts in me: natural birth, parenting, education, intentional living, deep relationships, our environment, nutrition, the bible, justice, care for the marginalized/meek/isolated/lonely/diseased and dying. I've yet to take hold of my inner activist :)
And over all,
:: I am renewed. Without any benefit for Himself, Jesus moves towards me and encircles me with an infinte, and self-giving love. He gave himself sacraficially to deal with my sin. He's changed (and is changing) me.
Praise and glory to Him.
Thank you Lord for 33 years of life, for 33 years of heartbeats. Thank you for who you made me to be.