I am a thinker. Oh man I am a thinker. No one in the world can analyze, evaluate, rehearse, imagine, process, worry, wonder, and otherwise muddle a brain like me. Single-mindedness is not my strong suit. Part of it is par for the course when it comes to mothering. Yesterday I stopped and surveyed all that I was doing in one single moment. I realized that I was attempting to guide Laurel in her violin practice, help Hannah with a recipe that she wanted to make, dictate spelling words to Emma, and console a fussy/teething Ian on my hip (and on about 4 hours of sleep after having been up most of the night at a birth). Whoa. No wonder.
But even in the quiet, still, and rested moments, I'm finding that there is just too much junk floating around in my head space. The thinking has turned unproductive.
It takes me away from where I should be.
So, I am doing a little housekeeping of the mental kind. Do you ever have to do this too?
(Ian's little picnic basket. He collects things from here and there and stores them for safe keeping.)
I'm parring down my thoughts. I am taking several of them captive. I'm letting stuff go. I am trusting things will work out. I'm lowering expectations. I'm wanting what I already have. I'm not trying to control. I am freeing up a lot of space.
I heard this quote last week. It is one thought that I am allowing myself to meditate on a little.
"The grass is always greener.... where you water it."
Huh. Makes sense. Right?
Trying to stay here, trying to water my own yard.
Trying not to let my thoughts stray...