Roasting marshmallows.
Some of us like them raw,
others prefer them charred.
I want mine lightly toasted.
But really, there are no rules to how you make them.
And no rules for how you eat them.
Just be prepared to get a little sticky.
Come on over, pull up a chair (or share one with me)...
and let's sit close.
We ate out Friday night. That's something we don't do often. I mean honestly, it just not that enjoyable with a family of our size. It so much more comfortable to hang out around our own kitchen table and not worry about all the noodles that end up on the floor. Carl had been gone much of the week working and golfing, so it seemed somewhat celebratory when he finally joined us Friday evening. So we went out.
Taking a picture in the restaurant bathroom is a tradition of ours. Weird I know, but funny too. Hannah has a good pucker don't you think?
Saturday was the Grand Parade through town. I almost didn't take the kids because Carl was golfing again (he had some buddies in town- it was a 3 day extravaganza!). It would mean that I would have to navigate the crowds, and the traffic, and a likely panic attack :) with 4 kids in tow, by myself. Eeek. Plus, as an added bonus, I was on call.
But I rallied, and the kids were awesome, and we scored an awesome spot.
There's nothing like marching bands and rodeo queens to make you feel All-American, you know? I'm glad we went.
Afterwards (while the kids were napping/resting) I had a mini- Cinco De Mayo celebration on the deck.
Sunday I took a drive to look at real estate for our farm stand. Whoa is all I can say. This project could be more than just wearing cute country girl outfits. It might actually involve work. A lot of it. And money. A lot of it. I'm trying not to get discouraged and remember what Thomas Edison said:
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
Oh man, I really hate overalls.
We've been eating al fresco. So great.
Not so great: I ate cookies, and greasy tater tots with tartar sauce, and a hot dog?? and two sodas, and licorice, and a lot of peanuts this weekend. I'm going to bed with a tummy ache and determination to start clean tomorrow.
coffee
watch
picture
purse
idea book (our farm stand has a name, and a logo...still working on the rest!)
quote
sandals
Letter P
Maybe I need some color?
I want you to know that I don't always write about what's going on behind the scenes here- in my home, in my heart. It shouldn't surprise you to know that sometimes things are messy. We all deserve a quiet little corner of privacy and thought. Sometimes talking about make-up or patio furniture is good for me, but please don't think that I can't understand or empathize with the weightier things in life. I never want to be guilty of portraying a life that's just about fluff. I realize that many of you are dealing with some really tough stuff. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes when I hear about an illness, or a preterm labor, or anything really sad or frightening, I feel a little guilty for posting about popscicles and lounging by the pool. It's never my intention to belittle the courageous suffering of others...
I'm not always cheerful. Often times I'm afraid. I lose my patience every day- several times. My kids misbehave. Marriage is hard work. My car smells like old cheese. We are all mucking our way through this human experience. Together.
If you are hurting, I'm sorry. If I you are struggling, I'm cheering you on. If you are smiling, I'm smiling too. Just do your best! It will be ok. Let's have a happy weekend. XXOO
Monday: sunburned
Tuesday: planting lettuce
Wednesday: out to lunch
Thursday: date night
Friday: yogurt and pjs, coffee to go, playing at the park, and afternoon run
It's fun to look back over the last few days and see all the good stuff. I love keeping track of simple things.
Guess who turns TWO tomorrow? Can't believe how fast time goes. We all say that don't we? What if we lived like we really understood that? I'm eating cake tomorrow. Hope it turns out!!
We had thunder, lightning, and rain earlier this week. Yesterday afternoon the clouds again approached slowly and I was a little giddy, hoping, hoping! for more. I could smell the rain in the air- fresh and mossy. There's nothing like a good downpour. I'm not talking about the constant gray drizzle that I grew up with. I'm talking about big, huge, splashy raindrops- maybe even a little warm.
We were in luck. It caught me and the kids coming out of costco with a cart full of stuff, and I'm glad it did! We made a mad dash to the car, screaming and squealing. Wearing sandals, short sleeves, and a skirt, I was soaked! Even the mascara was running down my face. I'm sure it was quite a sight. So fun!
Storms like that make me come alive a little bit. Do they do that to you? Don't they sort of set you free from your inhibitions? Don't they make you want to hold hands and run through the puddles? Kiss under an umbrella? Snuggle under a blanket by the window, counting the seconds between the flashes of light and the rumbles of thunder?
So perfect, an unexpected little adventure. Let's do that more often.
The first peek outside.
Little boys who come in your bed at 5:00am to snuggle, then fall back asleep.
The smell of fresh ground beans.
Boiling pots of water.
Yogurt.
Sunlight coming in.
Coffee. Alone. In silence. On the deck.
Sharing breakfast.
Blueberry scones.
Not pictured: A phone call to my friend in NYC. We're planning our summer...she's coming home for 2 whole months! Other early morning calls and wake-me-up texts from my guy. He's far away, but I felt him close. Girls happily doing their chores. The Boy who (for the first time in 7 days) didn't throw up his breakfast. Birds singing. Windows open. Good hair, pink toenails, and yellow sandals.
I'm not going to lie. Re-entry after the weekend has been hard. Today was the first morning that I felt a groove. It's nice. I'm gonna stay in it all day...I just know.
We've known each other for as far back as we both can remember. I've loved her that long too. We've had all the joys of being sisters without the "sibling stuff" to mess it up. (We're cousins.)
She knows my whole story-- every last detail, even the ones that I'd rather she didn't. Crazy enough, she loves me just the same. Relationships with people who love you in a way that feels equal to the way you love them are rare. Total blessings. They hold you up, come to your rescue, tell you the truth, keep all your secrets, and find a way to make you laugh at yourself when you are crying about something stupid. Actually, with her I'm just laughing every other minute. How does she do that?
She is my wall for bouncing ideas off of. She gives me tough love and tenderness- all at the same time. She talks through the gray areas of life with me. She is completely transparent about her own faults/mistakes and never judges me for mine. She lets me wear her favorite shirt.
We've ridden a motorcycle (that ran out of gas) at night, along the canal, without the headlight on, to sneak out of the house.
We've layed for countless hours on the concrete next to the pool (she always wins in a back diving contest).
We've put make-up on before going to bed knowing that the boys were coming to our window that night.
We've smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in one night in the middle of December out on our apartment balcony, (that one turned out bad).
We (I) also set fire to the kitchen in that apartment.
We failed winter quarter together. (See the previous two). That was a hard season....lots of growing up.
We made several rough cut video tapes of our self-choreographed dance routines and lip singing numbers. (I called her when Whitney died...she was one of our favorites.)
We've jumped from the barn lofts into the hay, from the cliffs into the lake, and from the snowmobile seconds before it was about to hit a tree.
We've built the most amazing backyard forts that you've ever seen using only a few blankets, several kitchen chairs, and some thumbtacks.
She stood beside me when I said goodbye to my mother, when I wore that big poofy white dress, and in that moment when my first child took her first breath.
I cannot imagine life without her. She is more than a permanent fixture in my life. She is a permanent part of me.
We got to spend the weekend together, and against all odds we had fun. The kids were sick. Oy.
We packed the non-puking ones into the car went to the local farm stand (with the idea of making ours better).
We planted a little smooch on the rooster.
She grilled (expertly), we drank our first homemade iced tea of the season...
And even more awesome,
Her Dad came to dinner.
Can you see why I'm still smiling??? Oh man it was so good to have her here. I miss her already.
(being escorted back to the campfire after sneaking off to see the horse again!)
(saying sorry after having had an argument earlier in the day-- yes we do argue sometimes.)
Yep, again. Sorry if you're burnt out on bonfire pictures, it was just such a pretty night -- the perfect way to end a really great weekend. I've got a whole lot of other pictures to go through and whole lot of leftover laughs too. I'll catch up over the next few days.
It was a gorgeous morning at the park. (I downloaded the instagram app today. I know I'm the last person on the planet to do so. What took me so long?)
We did some climbing.
I also did a little cleaning. Ian came down with some sort of stomach bug this morning. He puked right in the middle of Target and I just sort of stood their frozen- not sure what to do. It was one of those moments when I felt totally unqualified to be a mom. What are you supposed to do in that situation? I just grabbed him and ran for the door. Poor guy. Hope he feels better soon. This is his first real illness. I'm missing the superpowers of breast milk right about now. Anyways, that whole deal necessitated a massive car seat cleaning. Gross.)
We (I) ate a light little dinner sans husband. I do miss him when he travels, but I gotta say cooking is a breeze when I'm here solo. Salmon burger salad was on the menu. Tasty.
And then we had a little after dinner dance party. What's not to love about having young girls in the house who give you an excuse to download songs like this. (Did you notice that they were driving my van in the video?) I can teeny-bop with the best of them.
I'm feeling better than I was yesterday. Thanks for letting me process some of that stuff out loud. I've had a few really big ideas lately, and well, they haven't all been met with the kind of enthusiasm that I was hoping for. Defeating you know? But when you want something bad enough... I guess you just find another way- right? I'm bouncing back now, and just in time too. Guess who's coming to hang with me for a few days? Yep, my farm-girl friend/cousin- in the flesh. We've got some fun up our sleeves. Watch out...it might get crazy.
"I must learn to love the fool in me -- the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool."
--- Theodore I. Rubin, MD
Like this last picture, some days are like little valleys. Today was a little valley. I drove myself up, up to the top of the cliffs behind our house to try and regain some perspective. To try and see that all of the day's events had actually been quite small in comparison. To see that the sky hadn't actually fallen. To try and make peace with reality. To try and be thankful for all the different ingredients in my life and their relative proportions (even though some portions I would like more of, and some less of). And also to be little bit sad. To grieve for the things that I know deep down can never be, or at least grieve for the things I can't do right now.
I guess the hardest part of dreaming a lot is that you give little pieces of heart away to each thought/idea. Especially if you've been thinking about them for any length of time...you live with those hopes for a while. It's not easy getting those heart-pieces back. I don't like it. I hate it actually. I don't like being woken up by other people when they don't see it my way or when the risk feels too risky. Rain during a parade sucks- even if it's given in love. Patching up your heart hurts, but I guess I knew that going in-- that reality would eventually catch up with me at some point. I knew that someone would eventually say "you can't be serious?" I don't want to live a stuck-in-a-rut, passionless life, but I guess I also need some grounding. I haven't figured out how to balance these two worlds yet.
What I am making peace with is that I really am (and will always be) a fool. (See the quote above.) But it's not always easy to be sorry for it. Sometimes, in fact, I'm not at all sorry for it.
Here's to climbing out, finding my way back up, and not giving up on the things that I love- the things that I want. Back to the drawing board. I'm going to try again.
We watched this movie last weekend. There is a reoccurring line in the movie that goes like this...
Why not? I love that. Just, why not? Sometimes we over think things. Indecision drives me insane. I cannot stand that "rainbow spinning wheel" that comes up on the screen on my mac when it is thinking (or frozen). There are lots of people who get stuck in that mode too. I am not one of them. It's probably true that they act as a good balance to all of us out there who want to fly by the seat of our pants, but sometimes it just feels like a maddening bottleneck to spontaneity waiting for them to catch up. Here are some rash decisions I'd like to make:
buy this necklace? wear this necklace? why not?
live in this van (or heck, maybe even a cardboard box) on that beach. why not?
build this in the back yard? why not?
eat strawberries like this from now on? why not?
slurp these popsicles (drowning in champagne) every other day this summer? why not?
eat dinner on this dock? jump in the water and leave my bathing suit on this dock? why not?
order this duvet from west elm? why not? (I already did this one...it came last week. love!)
paint pillowcases like this to match? why not?
buy plane tickets and travel back east, or overseas, or anywhere- and wear this? why not?
Let's just do it all. Why not?
tomatoes + fresh mozzarella + basil + olive oil + balsamic vinegar
meat + a grill
dinner + the deck
me + him
these rocks + a wheelbarrow + my arms and legs (okay Carl helped too). we moved them from our neighbor's yard to ours. wonder how it's going to feel tomorrow?
april + tree blossoms
this salad + my mouth!
a beer (bought for you by your friend because "it matches your hair") + a porch swing
yellow scarves + yellow sandals
ian + the bath (all this playing outside can really get a boy dirty!)
emma + her tether ball + all the neighbor kids-- we've become very popular
And me + you. Thank you for coming here so often and reading- even the boring parts. Thank you for letting me be real and honest. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for every word that you've typed to me. Technology is so great. Thank you for being close even though we may be far apart.
Oatmeal for two.
Ian leads the way.
We walk a little.
He loves the drains.
The "kerplunk" sound that the pebble makes when it hits the water below cracks him up.
Me explaining the difference between a pebble (found on street edge) and the gigantic river rocks (found in our neighbor's landscaping). Bigger rocks= bigger "kerplunks". You can't blame him for trying.
Picking chives.
Not enjoying the onion-y taste of chives.
The rhythm of our day is changing. We are spending more time outside, and earlier too. In fact, sometimes we barely make it through breakfast before we throw something under or over or jammies and head out. Oh man, Ian loves it. Loves it. He is so much happier exploring, getting dirty, and just roaming around.
It's warming up and things are turning green-- at about 1500ft elevation I guess it takes a little longer. I'm not good with patience, but you already knew that. You'd be proud of the way I've vowed to settle down and just play it cool-- greeting Spring with nonchalance. "Oh, it's you? Huh. I'd forgotten that you were out there somewhere. Temperatures in the low 70s? Eh, take it or leave it." That's a total lie. I'm afraid it's been quite the opposite. The verbs "hunting down" and "pestering" and "begging" come to mind. And after yesterday (when I bought some tomato plants) I'm afraid I might be rushing it. I really only have one pace. Fast. It gets me into trouble.
My brain is a bit muddled. I've been distracted all week...in a good way-- the best possible way (read: lots of amazing ideas and images floating through my brain but not much productivity coming out.) I know that you were hoping to hear my whole diet/exercise spiel. It's coming. I promise. I just don't have it all together yet. In the mean time...go watch this. So, so awesome! (I cried.)
I'm not done feeling weird with all this blathering on about all my grooming...but I do get lots of questions/comments/emails about my hair. Okay then here we go...
I have very thick, naturally wavy hair. It isn't straight. It isn't curly. Just wavy. Which means that I have to do something with it or the frizz just overtakes me and it's bad. I am, unfortunately, not a "wash and go" kind of girl. In fact, when I tell Carl that "I just need to wash my hair and dry it real quick before we go anywhere" he rolls his eyes with impatience knowing that I'll be at least another 45 minutes. "At least" (he just repeated when I read this out loud to him).
My hair is cut in long layers so that I can easily go from curly to straight. I also have to have it thinned. A lot. By the time I'm done with a haircut there is usually a huge pile of hair on the floor. I've cut bangs a couple of times...but I'm such a "tucker" (behind my ear) that they tend to drive me nuts. Naturally I'm a dark blonde. Right now I have quite a bit of red in it. I'm really loving the red. I'm keeping it for a while.
I love experimenting with different shampoos. Right now I'm using Redken Color Extend. It's nice but I'm not married to it.
Whether I plan to straighten it or encourage curls, I always use some kind of serum on my towel dried damp hair. This is working, I've also really liked Fekkai. I know it looks expensive, but a little goes a long way. It lasts forever.
Here's where I make a decision. Curly? or Straight?
For curly I slather it with at least a quarter sized dollop of gel. It seems like the cheaper ones work better. I'm using Pantene now.
After getting the gel evenly on my hair, I twist it into thick sections around my finger then scrunch. I let it mostly air dry.
The trick to drying it the rest of the way comes with a diffuser.
You have to have one of these bad boys. I don't even attempt curly hair without it. Gotta have it. I bend over and dry my hair upside down with it.
To touch up any frizzy spots I use a wand. There is a slight learning curve with these, but once you get it, it's easy. I think that a wand makes curls look so much more natural than an iron.
When I want my hair straight, I also let it mostly dry. Then I flip over and blow dry upside down again and use a flat metal brush to pull it straight. Then I stand back up and use a round metal brush to add volume in the crown and flip the ends. Occasionally I'll use a flat iron, but the brushes usually do the trick. I use a bit more serum to smooth it out and then spray it a bit with hairspray. Again, nothing expensive.
Once styled I can usually go 2-3 days without washing it again. It's coarse enough to really resist getting too greasy. I guess that's one thing I have going for me.
That's all. I love this blog for great hairstyle ideas.
Okay answering more questions soon (hopefully) about how I've lost 20lbs since Jan 1. Warning: there are no gimmicks-- maybe even a little blood, sweat, and tears.
Someone asked me last week to share what I use for make-up. Honestly I'm feeling sort of a sheepish about this. I'm a total minimalist when it comes to make-up and I don't spend a ton of money on department store brands. I'm certainly not an expert. I don't really want my make-up to get noticed. Don't we all just want our face to look fresh? Most days it's lucky if I brush my teeth let alone get some make-up on. I don't really have any tricks for you, but I'm always curious about things like this, so I'll share.
Face:
foundation (applied with a sponge). I'm really self-conscious about my skin. I've tried lots of different foundations but it is hard to balance coverage with caked on. I'm happy with this one for now. Blush, and bronzer (because I live at 47 degrees N latitude.)
Sometimes I add this for a little extra glow
Eyes:
Creme eyeshadow (bare minimum), add a little espresso (regular daytime), or for extra drama use the silvers instead. I don't like the look of heavy eyeliner. I usually just use a small stiff angled brush slightly dampened then swipe it through my eye shadow and apply it on my lash line like liner. I find it easier to blend and layer that way.
I have very wimpy eyelashes. Part of the problem is that they are blonde. This is what I'm using right now, but I'm always looking for something better. Two coats minimum.
Lips:
Lip gloss: beach bronze. It doesn't look so orange in real life-- just sort of clear and glittery. Maybe a little liner underneath.
I think this looks pretty:
Just simple and natural.
That's it! Questions? What did I forget?
We'll talk hair tomorrow!
While we were away last week we had the opportunity to hook up with my friend Mery. Her husband Eric used to work with Carl and I also had the privilege of having them in my birthing class. I was so anxious to meet little Hobbs (ahem, and catch up with Mery.) For months I've been craving a snuggle with him. More accurately I wanted to squeeze, pinch, nuzzle, sniff, rock, cuddle, smooch, and all other manners of over-zealous babyloving affection.
Mery is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She tells great stories full of sunshine.
I especially love the one about the arrival of Hobbs. Go read it. Serious. It will bless you. Mery has the most inspiring perspective on Hobb's extra chromosome. She graciously answered some "in your face" questions that I threw at her about their journey up to this point. Mery is so strong and so vulnerable at the same time. She is real about the emotions that she finds herself in the midst of. She is facing fears with such courage and openness. I'm learning so much from her.
I fought tears as I held him and felt so grateful to be in the presence of his sweet soul. In our conversation Mery shared that she wouldn't change the fact that she didn't know ahead of time about Hobb's Down's Syndrome. She says the fact that he arrived in the way he did reaffirmed her belief that he was a gift, hand-picked to be theirs. There was no worrying or fretting or asking "Why us? Why our baby?" Just acceptance. Amazing.
(They also have the coolest pad that I've been to in a long time!)
I got a good fix, though I'm not sure how long it will last me. We were also charmed by big brother Otto.
He had us just cracking up! Hilarious kid.
Ian was all, "What's the big deal with this kid?"
Otto and Laurel had a thing going on. Otto is my kind of guy.
We also had time to sneak in some reading, and dancing (which I was too busy participating in to photograph). We left feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. When we got back into the car the girls gave a collective sigh, breathing out something like, "Well that was fun". Being with Mery and the boys just does that to you. We'll be back soon Hobbs. We simply can't stay away for too long.
We've been tagging along with Carl this week as he travels for work. It turned out to be a spontaneous little Spring Break. Here are some pretty things to look at until I get back (soon)!
Sometimes we drive down the dirt road, out to the orchard,
and build a fire.
We meet our friends, and take out our pocket knives.
Charlie comes too.
We might enjoy a cold one (not many more than that for this on call mama),
as the sun goes down.
We say goodnight to the horse,
and laugh hysterically when someone sneaks a wiener into the picture (right of me).
Because how can you not laugh when someone says "wiener"? Really?
We lounge in chairs, eat cookies, and get sleepy.
People have been sitting around fires for thousands of years. It is not a new idea, but it is a good one.
Happy night, the smell of campfire is still in my hair.
I wonder how the moon looked in the sky from where you were?
"How can it be?" I ask myself this already knowing deep down it is true. Most days I forget that I'm a grown-up, and now you are eleven? Whoa. It's not a cliche, it really does go by so quickly. Where once there was a paunchy bellied, curly-haired girl sitting snug on my lap, there is now a lovely young lady sitting beside me.
Thank you Emma for being so full of grace towards me. For letting me grow up a little alongside you. For being long-suffering with my endless talking and for not being afraid when you see me cry. Thank you for being swift to forgive me when I mess it all up, for being the first one to ask for a hug. Thank you for finding all the things that I lose and for not making too much fun of me when you have to explain your math assignment to me.
The other day I heard you say (in complete frustration), "I don't get you Mom!" And I know. I know that we are standing on the cusp of big things. I find myself grasping at every last straw of your girlhood. You are literally changing right before my eyes. Growing up is hard. It can be so hard. There are days when I want to pull you aside and put my arm around you and just say over and over again, "I know. I know. I know."
But you are doing it. You are growing up and I am so proud of you. You are incredible inside and out. How did you manage to get your Dad's artistry, his deep blue eyes, long eyelashes, long legs, and his ear for music? All the good stuff! At least you got my hair :) You have strong convictions and I trust your heart. Thank you for wearing it on your sleeve sometimes.
I know I am pulled in a lot of different directions. I know that you don't always get the time with me that you want. I know it is not always easy to be the oldest, and that some days I ask a lot of you. I know our house is messy. It is not nearly as organized as you (or Dad) would like it to be. Every day is not easy. Thank you for reaching out for my hand and always being so free with your "I love yous." Thank you for rising to the challenges and serving others with a heart like Jesus.
Please know that it all began with you. You. You were the one that ignited the previously unknown-to-me place in my heart- a fierce corner that I never knew existed. You have taught me that I am capable of loving so fully- so vehemently. I remember leaving the hospital with you. I cried in the back seat sitting next to you. How could God possibly see me fit to care for you? To keep you alive? To shape and mold and love you enough? It was a mixture of total fear, total awe, and total honor.
Thank you for coming to us. You are a perfect expression of the love that Dad and I have. (Thank you for making barfing sounds when we kiss, pretending to think its gross. It makes us laugh.) Thank you for being our daughter and making it so easy to love you.
Happy 11th Birthday Emma.
Emma wanted to have a sleep over for her birthday. Pizza, ice cream sundaes, games, and a movie. What a delightful group of girls. So mannerly and they were all asleep by 11pm! What do you get an 11 year old for her birthday? Well, this and this and these of course!
It's 12:37pm. I'm sitting down to lunch standing up at the counter eating again. I've just put Ian down for a nap. He's only gotten out of his bed 4 times. I think he's asleep now. The girls are waiting downstairs for me to come do spelling, math, and to read with them. We've already weeded our way through science, social studies, a violin lesson, and bible earlier this morning. The day has also included chores, a few errands, and a little first aid as Ian got a bottle of all-purpose cleaner and sprayed it on his face and in his mouth!! Carl is gone again. Just overnight this time, but still, he's not here. I'm standing amongst a pile of papers, putting the finishing touches on monthly progress reports, weekly certified teacher check-ins, copywork lessons for Hannah, and hand outs for my birthing class. Later on there will be dinner and swimming lessons. This weekend I'm on call and we have two slumber parties happening (one of which we are hosting).... there are messes to clean, groceries to buy, and gifts to wrap.
Sometimes I just want to get lost. And no- not in this:
(clean laundry that waits to be folded. volunteers?)
I want to lose track of the day and the time and where I'm supposed to be and of what I'm supposed to be doing. I want to get lost in the most irresponsible way. I want to move at my own pace and linger and dawdle and dilly dally.
I could get lost in:
:: a good book- to be able to just read and read and read...
(Emma read her book cover-to-cover yesterday. She completely ignored me when I set a plate of apple crisp down next to her.)
:: a project (scroll down to the skirt)
:: a long nap
:: a long kiss
:: a long talk- a real talk. face to face. no calls or texts that end with "Sorry I've got to go" or "ttyl" or interruptions from crying children...but a real talk that only ends when we run out of things to say and not before.
:: pottery? I've never tried it before. I'd make this first.
:: a cup of tea
(I found this one sitting on the counter 3 hours after I brewed it. The cup was full. I had forgotten about it. I do it all the time.)
:: writing
:: planning
:: a good case of the giggles
:: a good 5 o'clock shadow- mmm mmm. scratchy scruffy.
:: a sunrise
:: ikea- I'm all swoony for this patio set. Could I also have the bayfront view too?
:: a challenge or something to figure out
:: art, in all mediums - i love this blog. mind blown!
:: my ipod and some pavement
:: my goggles and some water (preferably chlorinated)
:: my bike and a trail
:: my bed. oh I love, love, LOVE my bed.
:: window shopping
:: the library
..................................
Do you understand this at all? Do you ever feel this way? I know that the days are long and the years are short. This fact brings me back to the here and now. It revives my patience and tolerance with all the demands upon my most precious commodity- time.
But oh to be lost for a while.
"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift."
-Shauna Niequist
What about you?
Less of this:
And unfortunately more of this:
Looks like I have my work cut out for me.
Better put my headphones on....
I felt a little weary today. Sore muscles, sore throat, blustery winds, whiny boys, dirty dishes, mountains of school work... I really needed to find some beauty. I set everything aside and just started looking for:
clean spaces (sometimes they are hard to find),
pretty words (I still have to hang it, it's just leaning against the wall),
squishy spots (pillows on my bed),
comfort food, (chicken pot pie- I did some freezer cooking this weekend and it was so lovely to just pull this out and pop it in the oven! I didn't have any, but I'm told it was yummy.)
streaming light (towels hanging on my bathroom door),
and silk flowers (my dad makes fun of this sweater. once he mistook the flowers for a napkin? put on your glasses dad! *giggle*)
By the end of the day I just wanted to wear this, eat this, drink this, curl up here...
and start over again tomorrow.
Sheets and twinkle lights are now on my to do list.
Oh hey March. I'm so glad you're here. It's not that hate February...it's just that I strongly dislike it. I even endured one extra day of it this year.
03/2012 I have a few favors to ask of you:
Would it be ok if we shelved the sweaters for now? At least the itchy ones? I've had my fill of wool. Can we move on something a little bit more airy?
Could we ditch the scarves and have our necks back? I happen to really like necks. (I love it that he's holding the polka dot umbrella.)
While we're at it, let's ditch the socks too.
Can we keep the gray to a minimum? Let's only allow it just where we mean for it to be.
How about we get started on this sooner than later?
Although I know it is a great way to burn calories, do I really have to shovel the driveway again? I just did it yesterday. Let's be done with that fluffy white stuff, yes?
I knew I could count on you March. Thanks for showing up. Let's put winter to bed.
pom-pom trim on the way out the door for Laurel's violin lesson.
morning school work (and doodles).
lunch. standing up. left-over roasted veggies and goat cheese.
still unpacking and bringing in bags from the car.
his,
and hers. not as much productivity coming out of mine.
afternoon sun and dirty windows
stripping down- headed to swim laps.
dinner: oven "fried" chicken.
We had a very blustery storm blow through last night.
I did my best to weather it...
... wtih some of this and some red wine (okay a lot of that) and this.
It was rough, but I managed to make it through the night.
Whew!
** just want to say that I previously linked to the wine I was drinking and it seems that there was a slight glitch in their website. I wanted you to know that I never intented to misdirect you to that other less-than-wholesome-website. Sorry if any of you were caught off guard by that. Embarassing!
When something this tragic happens in your community, and when it affects so many people that you love, and when it strikes such young and vibrant people...it makes the ordinary tasks of life seem so trivial. So unimportant. So insignificant.
If life is so punctuated, why oh why must we spend time doing the things that seem not to matter? Why do we have to do the things that do not evoke passion? Wouldn't it be better if all our time was poured into hugging and kissing? To sitting together for hours? To going out and doing big things? To saying all the things that we are thinking but can't find the right words or the right time to say them?
And then, in the pause of grief and sadness, I see it- the value of the menial. I remind myself that some of the fullest living happens at home-- not necessarily out trekking across Antarctic (my girls loved following her journey) or swinging from the most awesome rope swing ever (doesn't that look rad??).
But instead I tell myself that...
scrubbing away dirt,
making clean and folding,
filling bellies,
providing food for imaginations,
stocking up,
the shaping,
then the baking,
the washing,
It all matters. It lays a foundation for peace, and wholeness. It provides safety and freedom. The making of a home is living and important.
And so we go on...
Because I've always wanted to.
My dear Great Aunt passed away last night. I hadn't seen her in quite some time, but she always left a lasting impression on me. There was so much to like about her. She told me once that my mother was her favorite niece. She called her "Baby Doll". It was like we shared this little bond in our affection for her. She was 90 years old and smart, and witty, and spunky until the end. It doesn't feel so much like a loss, but as someone close to me said- more like a chapter coming to an end.
So, in light of her passing...I think we should all live a little.
Go out in the rain.
Get your boots muddy.
Laugh. Heck, whoop an shout.
Run fast, play hard.
Love.
Dream.
Imagine.
Do.
Leave something behind.
Because you're here, and because you can!
ps. sorta unrelated... but I love this picture.
I might be blurry-eyed, stiff bodied, messy haired, or even in the midst of a dream...
I may have just drifted off to sleep after coming home late from a birth, just barely closed my eyes again after consoling another from a nightmare, or be furious with my foolishness for staying up too late the night before...
I might complain, moan, groan, even cry out to God for mercy- begging for even just another 20 minutes of sleep....
But the truth is that I secretly love being woken up by this boy. His kisses, pinches (yes he pinches), and his too-boisterous-for-that-time-of-morning "Hi Mamas" are really the best way to start the day. I remind myself of this at 5:23am on a Saturday morning and promise myself to pay him back many times during his teenage years.
