(Me in Mrs. Korte's 1st grade class, I was Rainbow Brite for Halloween. My mom made my costume! I thought it was so rockin'. In 1984 there was no such thing as red-eye reduction :)
Bittersweet. That is how I would describe my feelings about turning 30. Being the introspective person that I am, birthdays are "thinking days" for me. I tend to take inventory of my life, remembering where I have been and wonder about where I am going. I am not sure why but this birthday seems especially difficult- fighting tears right now in fact. Its not as if I don't have a wonderful life. I am healthy and happy and extremely blessed. The last decade has been full. So full. College, marriage, babies, THREE BABIES, new homes, great jobs....all so wonderful. But somehow it feels as if I am turning a corner, leaving something behind.
I wish I was one of those people who really embraced aging. I wish I was someone who looked more distinguished with gray hair, and more voluptuous with a few extra added pounds. Instead, I just notice all the lumps, bumps, marks and wrinkles. I think that the physical aspect of getting older really sucks. What happened to eating anything I wanted and hardly gaining a pound? Where did all the the athleticism go? Anyone see my abdominal muscles lately...I think I have lost them. I feel as though I am turning into a pile of mush on the outside- kinda like puberty in reverse. Although I have heard that exercise can work wonders?! Maybe I should try it sometime!
On the sweet side, I like how my heart has aged. The inside of me keeps getting better. I am more sure of myself, more comfortable with myself and better friends with me. I work less to impress people and work more to enjoy the moment. Excitement has become a relative term. Simple is better. More pleasure is derived from watching my children sleep than some other big production. I have more patience and more acceptance.
How am I different at age 30? I sleep less, remember less, and fear less. I weigh more, listen more and learn more. I am older, and that is bittersweet.
awww, let me be the first to wish you a very happy birthday... and happy 30!! i turned that corner a couple... okay 4 years ago... eek!
xo,
erika
Posted by: erika | July 12, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Happy 30th! You look fabulous then and now(picture on your side bar). Here's to another decade full of joy and growth and happiness for you and your family!!
Posted by: Jill | July 12, 2008 at 01:41 PM
Happy Birthday! You look beautiful, and just look at those gorgeous children =)
Posted by: Jen | July 12, 2008 at 05:17 PM
Happy Birthday Libby. Your girls sure look like you when you were little. I agree, aging is bittersweet. Its so subtle, one day you look down at your dinner and you can't see it without your glasses. (I really hate that part) Seriously though, 30 is a milestone, but you are still so young...enjoy it, you aren't even at the half way point yet :)
Posted by: cindy | July 12, 2008 at 07:30 PM
Happy-happy BDay Libby!!! I hope you are having a great day and don't be silly, you look great )) Such a cute pic of you, your daughters look very much like you)) Back home in Russia the first thing we wish for on a birthday is health, so I wish you a lots and lots of it!!!
Posted by: inga | July 12, 2008 at 07:57 PM
Oh Happy Birthday Libby! I loved your post and want you to know that I am listening to your heart as you share about aging...I have been so nervous about turning 30 as well (still a year to go) but your writng helped me put some of my concerns into words. Thank you for being so vulnerable in this place.... and have a wonderful day!
Posted by: Kristen Kill | July 12, 2008 at 09:46 PM
It brings tears to my eyes to read this blog....I can say this now and have always been able to say this about you, "you truly are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, I have always looked up to you and have thought of it as an honor to be called your friend...30 is a number Lib, nothing else, we are still young and I am going with my 30's are just the beginning to a wonderful, mature and LOVING life. A time to watch our children live their youth." I love you and your are so beautiful (on the inside of course, but so very much on the outside)
Posted by: Demeri | July 12, 2008 at 09:59 PM
Happy Birthday Libby! Ahh..30...it's knockin on my door too. I have to admit I've had many of those same thoughts. I appreciate your honesty! But Demeri's comment is so true to, 30 is just a number:) You're one hot, creative, sassy mama!!
Posted by: Heidi | July 13, 2008 at 08:06 AM
Sis,
Great insights! I love to hear your insides talking.
Let me lend you my perspective, perhaps it will blend together like a secret ingredient that adds just a bit of punch to your favorite recipe.
By the way, your rainbow bright costume did rock!
It is said that the apple does not fall far from the tree; your introspection should come pretty naturally. I use this special dates to do the same and what I see from my view is tempered by just that many more years.
When I look at you what I see is a beauty that is not bound by something as shallow as a “six pack” abs. Vanity passes with some difficulty. What it is replaced by it is real and lasting and by far more beautiful. I see stretch marks as great beauty marks forever branding you with evidence that you hold the highest of all offices… motherhood. The lines that begin to appear in the corners of your eyes and the grey hair that invade your head all comes as a result of endlessly caring for others; sleepless night tending to the physical needs of your family and serve as further evidence that you have done it with all you have.
Sis… I could not be more proud of you. Of course I am bias but I do not think that negates even a little the truth about who you are. Often I hear from others as they tell me how they feel about you. They think you are pretty incredible too. I love the fact that you are learning to trust yourself. I love your confidence.
Just like when you were my little girl and I would pull you up onto my lap and love on you, I again want to do that now. Let me assure and believe me when I say you are so amazing. I think you are even more beautiful now then ever before. While I can understand that you your youthful appearances, what it is replaced is of far greater value.
Here is to your 30th Birthday! I love you with out end!
~dad
Posted by: Jim Hickman | July 13, 2008 at 09:44 AM
Happy birthday, Libby. You are young and fab, a caring wife and mother--I can tell this from the short time I've been reading your blog.
Hmm. I just don't get the sadness at aging. Life is so full and there is so much we know now and can do to stay feeling good and looking good. My mom is 73 and she does everything--travel, volunteering, church flowers, is still married to my dad. Maybe that is why I don't fear aging?
One thing I do feel confident about is trying not to spend time being sad about aging when I know in my heart that I am still young and vibrant. And you are *really* young and vibrant. So go take a big bite out of life. (Not to negate your feelings at all--and I love these honest posts--just to share my perspective).
Posted by: Mary Beth | July 13, 2008 at 12:19 PM
I hope you had a Happy Birthday, Libby! I find you are an inspiring and beautiful person. And what a great picture from 1st grade... I love seeing photos from the past!
Posted by: julie | July 14, 2008 at 05:27 AM
Happy 30th! Your oldest daughter looks amazingly like you. I agree that it is hard to age. From my point of view you look fabulous and have the confidence of a happy woman! Congratulations.
Posted by: AllisonF | July 14, 2008 at 05:58 AM
Wow, there's nothing left to say Lib....You're AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL! I have to admit that I felt a little awkward on my 30th (a month ago) but couldn't help but feel such peace simply by being a new mommy! You've achieved so much in your short 30 years so far friend. :)
Posted by: Alicia Chavez | July 14, 2008 at 01:03 PM
Hilarious! I'm 29 and my mom made me the same costume. It was so very cool! Happy belated birthday.
Posted by: Befth | July 15, 2008 at 05:17 AM